You are enough just as you are. Your worth does not correlate with the amount you consume or produce- you are not a tool of the economy. Your worth does not connect to your relationships with others- you are not more or less whether you are married or single, whether you have children or not, whether you are involved with extended family or not. Your worth is not your work, your hobbies, your clothes, or anything else.
Your worth is intrinsic, it’s simply part of who you are. Because you exist, you are valuable. You are enough.
When you truly believe that you are enough, that you have enough, that there is enough to go around, it changes the way you relate to others.
When you are enough, you don’t have anything to prove to others. When you have enough, you don’t feel like you need just one more thing to complete you. And when you know there is enough to go around, you don’t see yourself in competition with others.
That’s great in theory, but what does it take to truly believe that you are enough?
It takes a posture of gratitude. Gratitude interrupts the comparison trap which is most of why we feel like what we are and what we have isn’t enough. Not enough means something different to everyone. It’s one thing when you don’t have money for food or utilities, it’s another thing when your kitchen is the most run-down or least modern among your friends, or you don’t have the home tech upgrades you wish you had. Gratitude reminds you of what you already have, and often that’s enough.
It also takes a habit of self-observation. If you find that you feel most down on yourself when you’re on social media seeing all the things others have, the vacations others are going on, the bodies of fitness models, then you might need to unfollow some people until you can stop comparing. If you find that you feel like you’re not enough when you’re at work, notice who you’re comparing yourself to or what your unmet expectations are. If it’s a boss who talks down to you or an environment where you’re consistently passed up for promotion, you may need a new workplace. But taking a step back and observing yourself, particularly where you feel shame and not-enough, can show you a great deal about what you value and where you’re off track.
You can also observe your motivations. Why are you going where you’re going? Why do you do what you do? Is there anyone you’re trying to impress? Whose approval are you looking for?
How do you feel right now? Do you believe you are enough? Are you enough all the time? Everywhere- work, home, social media? Is it for yourself or for others?
If you want to go through these questions of your purpose and values with someone else, therapy can offer you a private and confidential space to explore your sense of being enough.