About Anxiety Disorders

Anxiety disorders are common. Learn about the three types of anxiety and the best ways to treat them in this introductory post.

Anxiety

Along with depression, anxiety disorders are the most prevalent of all mental health problems. The majority of people, sometimes estimated as high as 80%, will experience clinically significant anxiety during their lifetimes.

What Causes Anxiety?
There are a number of possible causes for anxiety. The three general categories are environmental, biological, and psychological. A serious anxiety disorder may involve one source or several. Different treatments will be more or less effective depending on the reason for your anxiety. Talking with a therapist about your anxiety can help you identify the reason for your anxiety and how it can be treated.

Environmental anxiety comes up when you are in a stressful situation. Outside stressors from your personal life, work, school, or home can result in clinically significant anxiety. When you deal with the stress, either by managing the situation or increasing your coping skills, the anxiety usually diminishes or goes away. Therapy can help you find ways to manage your environment to reduce stress. A therapist can also help you develop skills to increase your internal resilience to stressful situations that you can’t control and come up with things you can do to manage your feelings of anxiety in those situations.

Biological anxiety is caused by neurochemical imbalances in your brain that result in you feeling anxious even though there is no apparent reason for the feeling. These imbalances can happen for a number of reasons, and they can be treated by re-balancing your neurotransmitters through medication. There are several different kinds of medications that can be effective, and your doctor or psychiatrist can walk you
through your options. You may also benefit from therapy even with medication because when you experience anxiety, you can learn negative thought patterns that may continue even on medication.

Psychological anxiety is the result of your thought patterns. When you focus on anxiety-provoking thoughts, you begin to feel anxious. The feeling of anxiety reinforces the negative thought patterns which results in feeling even more anxiety. This kind of anxiety is treated best with therapy, though you may need medication to help break the cycle of negative thoughts before therapy is effective. Therapy can help you change the way you think to help you feel better.

Any questions about anxiety you want answered by a therapist? Leave a comment below or send a message and we may feature your question in a future post.

Who Owns Your Feelings

Do you find yourself saying things like “You make me so angry!” Stop blaming others for your emotions and take control of your own feelings.

In therapy, we have an idea called the locus of control. 

Locus means “position, point, or place,” and your locus of control is basically the place where your emotional control comes from. Your locus of control can be internal or external, but everyone has one.

Having an external locus of control means that whatever is controlling your emotions is outside of your own self. An external locus of control makes statements like “You make me so angry!” or “I get sad when you don’t listen to me.” Do either of these sound familiar? An external locus of control relies on others to feel okay.

An internal locus of control means that you are the one in charge of your emotions no matter what happens around you. You are able to respond appropriately to events, but you are able to choose how you feel. If the two statements above were reworked to have an internal locus of control, they would acknowledge the same emotion with a different reaction.

The first statement “You make me so angry!” could turn into a direct request- “When you come home late, please text me so I know you’re okay,” or “Please clean your room the first time I ask. If you can’t clean it by lunch, we’ll donate the toys you can’t find a home for.” The statement “You make me so angry!” doesn’t tell the other person what needs to be different. It’s also inaccurate. You are the only one with control over yourself and your emotions. Nobody else has the power to make you angry, only you can do that. In addition, nothing gets solved. An internal locus of control acknowledges that you’re feeling anger in response to the situation, whether it’s because your partner is late or your child isn’t cleaning their room, but instead of reacting in anger you’re able to proactively ask for change that can resolve the situation.

The second statement is one I hear a lot from parents. They’re trying to emotionally manipulate their children or partners into behaving the way they want. The problem is, we can’t control others and most people resent being manipulated. “I get sad when you don’t listen to me” doesn’t teach your child or partner to listen to you, it only teaches them that they can easily control your emotions with their actions. An internal locus of control sees the sad feelings that come up when others seem not to hear you, but it doesn’t blame others for your sadness. Instead, an internal locus of control would say something like “This is really important to me and I’d like to talk to you without the TV on” or “When we need to leave the park, I’d appreciate it if you would come and help me pack up the toys when I ask you, especially when I’ve given you a five minute warning.”

During the process of therapy, I teach people how to move their locus of control from external to internal. This is especially important for people who are sensitive to the emotions of others or who tend to overreact to situations.

Say to yourself, “I am in charge of how I feel.” Try to notice when you make statements that give others control of your emotions. With your observations, pay attention to who has control of your feelings if it’s not you. Many times, we have a certain person we give control to. It’s usually a parent, partner, or child- someone close to us who knows how to push our buttons.

Carefully consider how you are going to take back control of your emotions. When you are feeling calm and separated from the situation, look back and try to figure out what you really want and come up with a way to ask for what you need without giving up control of your emotions. Whether you need better communication, firmer boundaries, or just some peace and quiet, you are the only one in charge of your emotions and you are the one responsible for making sure you get your needs met.

Just like you can’t control others, they can’t really control you- it just seems like they can sometimes. Others can’t read your mind to know what you want out of a situation, you need to ask for what you want in a way that doesn’t blame them for what you’re feeling.

Protecting Your Children From Predators

With all the news about sexual abuse in schools, how can you keep your kids safe?

This morning, I opened the news to see that yet another sexual predator was caught. This time it was a woman- a school administrator at a local private school. A few months ago, a male teacher was reported. Before that, a female teacher. Before that, a special education aide.

School is not necessarily a safe place, but your children are legally required to attend. And unless you pull them out of school and decide to homeschool your children, you have to trust the administration and staff to be decent, non-abusive people. As we have seen, both public and private schools have problems with sexual abuse.

So what can you do as a parent or caregiver to make sure your child is safe?

Talk to them about abuse. Sit down with your child and tell them that there are adults out there who hurt children and touch them on their private parts or ask the kids to touch the adult’s private parts. Make sure they know that they should tell you if it happens to them or someone they know and it’s never something to keep secret.

Tell them that those adults are wrong to do that to kids, that it’s never the kid’s fault, and we can’t catch the bad adults without kids telling someone when it happens.

Tell them that abuse can happen from strangers, but also from adults at school or other children or even from family members. It’s not okay no matter who is the abuser.

Tell them that the bad adults know what they’re doing is wrong and they lie to kids to make them too scared to tell. Bad adults tell kids that nobody will believe them if they tell, or that the adult will hurt their pet or friend or sibling if they tell. Make sure your child knows that those are lies- that when a child tells a good adult about abuse, the abuser is the one who gets in trouble and that the good adults will make sure the child’s pets and friends and siblings are safe too.

Tell your child it’s okay to talk to you if someone does something that makes them feel uncomfortable. Tell them that you’ll believe them and mean it. Believe them even if they name someone you think wouldn’t be an abuser- abusers often groom the parents as much as the kids, making themselves into someone you’d absolutely trust with your children.

If your child does say that someone abused them or someone they know, call the police immediately. You don’t have to verify their claim, confront the abuser, or even be certain that it happened. The police will work with child protective services to conduct an interview of everyone involved. Their interviewers are trained in how to ask children about sexual abuse, and the police will make sure the kids are safe until the investigation can be completed.