Grief and Loss Therapy
You don't have to carry your grief alone
Grief doesn’t always look the way people expect it to
Most people think grief is the kind of sadness you feel after someone dies. But grief can follow after many different kinds of loss: the death of a loved one, a divorce or separation, infertility or miscarriage, major life transitions, a change in your health, the loss of your faith, or realizing that the future you thought you’d have might never come to pass.
And grief rarely shows up as sadness alone. You may find yourself feeling angry, anxious, numb, relieved, guilty, confused, lonely, or just emotionally exhausted. These emotions can feel unpredictable, changing from moment to moment. Or they can feel contradictory and pull you in different directions.
You may know logically that someone is gone and still find yourself expecting them to walk through the door at their usual time. A song, a show, a date on the calendar, their favorite cereal at the store, or a familiar routine can suddenly bring on a wave of fresh grief you weren’t expecting.
For some people, the grief isn’t just about missing someone, it’s about what was left unfinished:
Places you wanted to go
Conversations you wanted to have
Milestones you’ll go through without them
Apologies you can never give or receive
Dreams and plans that evaporated with the loss
None of these responses mean you’re grieving wrong, they just mean that you’re human. But when your experiences don’t match the simplified version of grief other people expect, they might wonder what’s wrong with you, why you can’t seem to move on, and why you’re not over it yet. Many people start to wonder if they’re doing grief wrong because they’re not matching other people’s expectations, but those kinds of thoughts feel isolating and difficult to talk about.
But grief isn’t a problem to solve. It’s a natural response to losing something important to you or someone who mattered deeply.
How I work with grief
Grief can feel overwhelming because it affects far more than our emotions. It changes the way we think, sleep, concentrate, relate to others, and move through the world. You may find yourself caught in memories, replaying conversations, questioning decisions, or struggling to understand why it still feels so painful months or years later.
One of the first things we do in therapy is help you make sense of what’s happening. Together we’ll explore how grief is affecting your mind and body, understand the emotional and neurological processes behind your experience, and create space for the parts of your story that feel painful, unfinished, or confusing.
Sometimes that looks like talking through memories and relationships. Other times that means exploring regrets, unanswered questions, or your vision for the future you thought you’d get to have. And it often means bringing in more tangible approaches like writing letters, creating rituals, or trying new experiences to help you express and process all the complex feelings that words alone can’t fully encapsulate.
I don’t believe the goal of grief therapy is to “get over” your loss. Instead, my hope is to help you understand your grief, honor the significance of what you’ve lost, and develop the resilience to carry both your love and your pain forward in a way that feels meaningful and sustainable. While grief may always be part of your story, it doesn’t have to leave you feeling lost.
Grief therapy can help you…
Understand why your grief feels the way it does
Trust your own grieving process even when others question it
Feel less alone in the complexity of your emotions
Honor your loss without feeling stuck
Stay connected to the people and experiences that matter most
Move forward without feeling like you’re leaving your loved one behind
Types of loss I work with:
Grief isn’t limited to the loss of a person through death. Many people seek grief therapy for non-death losses that change the shape of your life just as profoundly, even when they’re less publicly acknowledged or understood. I work with people navigating a wide range of losses including those that are complex or ambiguous.
This includes grief related to the death of someone important to you as well as losses that come through divorce, separation, or estrangement- relationships that have ended, changed, or become unreachable in ways that still carry emotional weight. These losses often involve not only the person themselves, but also the life, identity, or future you imagined alongside them.
I also work with grief connected to infertility, pregnancy loss, or the loss of a hoped-for future. These experiences carry a particular kind of grief, one that isn’t always visible to others but that can deeply affect how you understand your body, your sense of meaning, and your place in the world.
While the circumstances of these losses differ, many people find that they bring similar questions beneath the surface: Who am I now? What has changed? How do I live with what didn’t happen or couldn’t continue? In therapy, we make room to explore these questions at a pace that feels respectful of your experience without rushing toward resolution or explanation.
Together, we'll discover what it looks like to build a meaningful life in a world that's been changed by loss.
Frequently asked questions about therapy for grief and loss
How do I know if I need grief counseling?
Grief does not have a timeline where we can say definitively that your grief has gone on for too long. Some people seek out grief counseling in the early days after a loss when things feel fresh and intense. Others reach out months or years later when they recognize there are certain emotions and memories still unresolved after all that time.
If you find yourself ruminating on regrets, replaying painful memories, feeling intense guilt that won’t resolve, or reeling from memory after memory overwhelming you every moment you pause, grief therapy can offer a steady place to sort through your thoughts and experiences. You don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable before you reach out.
Is it normal to feel relief, anger, or mixed emotions after someone dies?
In short? Yes, it’s normal. Grief is rarely simple or one-dimensional. You might feel both sadness and relief at the same time, especially if you were caregiving and your loved one was a bit of a burden at the end. Or if they were suffering and you’re happy they are finally out of pain even as you’re grieving their loss. You may feel anger toward someone who hurt you even as you miss them- or just miss the opportunity you might have had to hear them apologize for the hurt they caused. After divorce or estrangement, you might miss the good parts of the relationship while fully knowing the relationship wasn’t good for you.
Grief therapy creates space for all your emotions and thoughts, even the ones that don’t feel good or acceptable to admit out loud.
How long does grief last?
There is no set timeline for grief. For many people, the intensity softens and shifts over time. For others, there are painful parts of the loss that still feel active even after time, particularly when something feels unfinished or unresolved. Grief therapy isn’t about getting you through the process as fast as possible. It’s about helping you carry your memories of the loss while keeping you moving forward.
Can grief come back years later?
Yes. Grief often resurfaces during anniversaries, life transitions, or moments when you wish the person were still here. Even years later, certain memories or unfinished business can come forward into your life again. Grief therapy can help you process these experiences so they feel less overwhelming and more integrated into your life story.
What is non-death loss?
Also called a “living loss”, a non-death loss happens when the person you’re grieving isn’t dead but still separated from you by divorce, cognitive decline, physical distance, family estrangement, or life transitions. Since the person hasn’t died, you may feel like your grief isn’t justified or isn’t “bad enough” for you to access grief resources. But these living losses can be incredibly painful because the person may still be in your life, or they may be accessible but they’re not the same as they used to be.
How do I cope with disenfranchised grief?
Disenfranchised grief happens when we have a death or loss that we’re not really allowed to acknowledge because it’s taboo, shameful, or sensitive to talk about. This can be death from suicide, drug overdose, self harm, risky behavior, or criminal behavior. It could also look like living losses due to incarceration, severe mental illness, violence, or forced relocation. Therapy is an effective place to help you cope with disenfranchised grief because all forms of loss are welcome here. You will never be judged for the circumstances of your loss.
What happens in grief therapy?
Grief therapy with me is relational and exploratory. We spend time talking through what happened before, during, and after the loss, looking especially for the parts that still feel raw or unfinished. Sometimes healing looks like writing letters, creating rituals, or talking through conversations that were never able to happen. Often it means having space to talk about all of it without being rushed into solutions. The goal of grief therapy isn’t to erase your loss- that can’t happen. It’s to help you feel more grounded and centered as you hold the pain alongside hope for your future.
Do you offer online grief therapy in California?
Yes. I offer online therapy for grief and loss for people in Aptos and throughout California. We’ll meet for sessions by secure video, allowing you to access support from the comfort of your home.
Is this a structured grief program?
No, this is not a step by step or curriculum based grief program. While structured programs can help, my approach is individualized and relational. If you’re looking for a more structured format, I’m happy to provide referrals to grief support groups or programs that might be a better fit.